The 10 Worst #LebaneseClubbingProblems

We’re renowned for our nightlife in Beirut but we’ve also got our fair share of #LebaneseClubbingProblems…. and since we also love to complain, here’s a rundown of the worst issues we face on a nightly basis. Pffffttttt, here they are:

Who’s Up for Dancing?

You go clubbing expecting to dance, but no one is moving, except an occasional nod or finger wag. The heels are too high, the butts are too perky, and the egos are too inflated. Girls are often too busy striking a pose and analyzing each other up and down to dance. Meanwhile the guys are too cool to move a muscle, they only display them.

Drink$$$$$

In some places the drinks are so expensive you have to consider selling organs to afford them on a regular basis. But you’ll probably ruin one of your kidneys soon enough anyway, so it’s probably ok to give one up on the surgical table.

Cannot.Move.

Have you ever been out clubbing in a sardine can? Basically this kills the whole experience. How can you possibly dance if you can’t even breathe. It’s horrible and turns everyone claustrophobic. And now you’ve had too many drinks and you need to go to the bathroom, where an even bigger crowd is forming a “line”… Good luck reaching the toilet in time!

Bump bump

There’s always some overly drunk/socially underdeveloped halfwit bumping into you left and right. We understand it’s crowded but don’t your elbows have nerve endings? Getting bumped in the chest repeatedly ain’t fun… and it doesn’t get worse than a heel stomped into your toes.

Toxic Hazards 

Where there is alcohol, there is spillage. Where there are cigarettes, there are tiny round holes in your clothes. Whether it’s self-inflicted or someone else’s fault, drinks land on your clothes, on a chair (and all over the handbags perched there), and get poured or all over the now-sticky floor. Plus the likely percentage of alcohol-spillage is inversely proportional to how much has been drunk, and that inevitably increases throughout the night. Hello dry-cleaners.

WHAT DID YOU SAY?!

Of course the music is loud but when it’s deafening it kind of defies the purpose of going out. You want to still be able to comment to your friend about that neighboring girl’s awesome (or not so awesome) shoes, or tell your boyfriend to stop checking her out. We go for the music, but we’d like to keep our eardrums alive for the rest of the week.

Have I seen You Here Before?

Beirut is tiny and it’s almost inevitable you’ll run into SOMEONE you know at a party. Sometimes it’s a happy reunion and a call for more doodoo shots! Other times, it’s your horrible cousin who will go tell your mom EVERYTHING or that ex you really really didn’t want to see tonight because you have bad hair. With about half a degree of separation dividing people in our little country, this is something you’re just gonna have to deal with.

DJs with ADD

There are some DJs who play amazing music. And you get really excited when you hear a song you like! And then 20 seconds later it’s a different song, which you also like. So you’re kind of disappointed the first one finished but you’re still excited for the second song. And then that changes within 20 seconds too. DJs, can we stick to a 1-minute minimum? Please?

Morning-after Stench 

Wasn’t there a law that stated no more smoking indoors? Somehow clubs and bars wiggled out of this one and we are still going home drenched in smoke. Smelling like an ashtray first thing in the morning is possibly the worst way to wake up. #barf

La Fashion Bouncer

You’re not welcome inside if you haven’t been reading up on Vogue. The new trend is a fashion-savy stone-faced female bouncer who gives nods of approval to the top fashionistas and sends the rest of us home to study fashion blogs. Get with the program, or don’t bother.