La Wlooo!!… My Blackberry, My Cherie

Nine months ago after I wrote about how the Blackberry changed my life (to the worse), I decided to pick my battles; and so I chose to disregard my friends’ excessive blackberry consumption while we’re out together, even if it meant that I would be ignored on several occasions (but still, that would give me much pleasure and time to check my Facebook and ASW notifications, e-mails, BBM messages and status updates, MSN and What’s App messages – yes, I’m semi-retarded).

BUT, there is always that one person who irritates the life out of me with their 476 blackberry status updates and their 498 broadcast messages per day!  
WHY?!

We can all go crazy ONCE IN A WHILE and feel the need to update our statuses 9 times per day, or send funny, meaningless broadcast messages to our friends; but that is not what I am talking about. I am talking about out of this world psychotic behavior. For instance, there are these 2 (more like 6) girls on my BBM list that update their statuses faster than they can say “I’m an annoying freak of nature that must stop scaring people!”
One of them, Ms. Merry Berry updates her status every 4.5 minutes. Allow me to demonstrate:
“I am flying”
“I am flying high”
“I am flying hghh in the sky” (she realizes she made a typo and corrects it)
“I am flying high in the sky”
“I am flying so high in the sky” (it’s all about emphasis)
“I am flying so high in the sky 🙂 ”
“I am flying so high in the sky 🙂 🙂 ”
“I am flying so high in the sky 🙂 🙂 🙂 ” (as I said, emphasis)

Okay, I believe you!
Till today, I still ask myself two questions:
1. Does Ms. Merry Berry realize that people can see her going psycho 12 times per hour?
2. Was I temporarily insane when I accepted her friend request?
3. How oh how can I delete her without hurting her merry, twitchy, little feelings?
To all the merry berry people out there: please tone down the creepiness (for the sake of your keypad and your self-respect!)

There’s also Ms. Scary Berry who always seems to be starring in a blockbuster horror/thriller/suspense movie:
“Oh nooooooooooooo”
“It’s sooooo bbbaaaddddddd”
“It’s sooooo painfullllllllll”
“What will I dooooooo?”
“I’m dyinngggggggggg”
“Noooo wayyyyyyyyyyyy”
“Helllppp meeee”

After my rage and exasperation subsided, a feeling of overwhelming curiosity swept over me, so I asked Ms. Hitchcock what’s wrong. She then told me that she was experiencing severe menstrual pains (privacy much?); I couldn’t help but wonder what she told her 200 other contacts that must have asked her the same question for the same reasons that I did!
To all the scary berry people out there: please keep this kind of information to one person, “YOURSELF”.  This is way too much hype for way too much information!

One other thing that I will continue to despise is pointless broadcasts. I appreciate people that send me jokes and USEFUL trivia, but there are some useless, time and byte wasting broadcasts that must be stopped!

Example #1:
“Women are fragile creatures that weep, hug, nurture, care, and are weak yet strong, shy yet confident, sensitive yet powerful. If you have every loved or known a great woman, pass this on so that women can cry and feel proud, while the men learn to appreciate their wonderful women.”

Oh shut up! Come on! I cannot believe that women actually send out broadcasts like that. What’s the point? It’s not enlightening, touching, or humorous. Is it a cry for pity or attention, or for a pat on the back? It just makes women like me feel nauseated, and makes men laugh at the degree of female silliness.

Example #2:
“God loves you. Show him you love him by sending this to 42 contacts and you’ll receive a surprising phone call in 1 minute. If you don’t send it, you will burn in hell for eternity.”

What the heck is that? “The Ring III”? God judges you by your lifestyle and intentions, not by your stupid threatening broadcast messages! Why do people send me these hateful messages anyway? Is it because of stupidity or fear? Either way, please leave God out of mediocre Blackberry broadcasts.

Example #3:
“This is a message from RIM (Research in motion). Blackberry servers have reached their maximum capacity and have started deleting users. Please forward this message to all your contacts to confirm that you are still active or your service will be deactivated.”

I have already sent out several warnings to many contacts informing them that if I receive one more of these STUPID messages, I will delete them off my list. A few months ago, I recall receiving over 70 “RIM” broadcasts from many of my ever so smart, panic-stricken contacts (most of whom I deleted because I refuse to be associated with people that are so gullible and brainless). To all those who still don’t know: RIM would never send out a warning like that because Blackberry servers would never eliminate users due to excess. More users = more money! There are links that you must click on to activate or upgrade anything concerned with your Blackberry. It’s that simple.

Sometimes I miss the simpler days when my first thought in the morning would be about my boyfriend (instead of my blackberry notifications), and when taking a shower meant relaxing (not staying away from my blackberry).
To the more obsessed (crazy) folk, I only wish you mental health (you need it) so that you don’t drive the rest of us insane. There’s so much more to say on this subject, but that’s what other days are for.

“Technology makes it possible for people to gain control over everything, except over technology.” John Tudor


By Rita Dahdah