La Wlooo!!… Lazy Lebanese “Ladies”

I remember reading somewhere that the year 2010 would witness “the rise of the female entrepreneur”, and many of my friends and acquaintances have indeed lived up to that claim and proved to those around them that you do not need to have a penis in order to be hardworking and independent. This made me take a glance at where I stood in this: after graduating 3 years ago, I jumped right into the employment scene; slaving away 12 hours a day, 5 days a week for over 2 years until I decided I needed a break, just to remember what the sun felt like on my skin and what oxygen felt like in my lungs.

During my break, I decided that I wanted to become an entrepreneur as well, and that is what I have oh so slowly been working on for the past few months. Whenever I am in doubt or hesitant, I force myself to remember when I was jealous of all those unemployed girls I know that could go to the beach any time they wanted, travel randomly when their hearts desired, and stay up every night till the break of dawn until I became one of them and realized that it is not a privilege, but a curse; because laziness inevitably brings one thing: more laziness (and consequently, uselessness).

I also realized not many girls enjoy working . . . at all. Instead, some graduate from university and claim not to be able to find a job; and some graduate and start looking for the next best thing: a “rich” husband. They believe that it is only a man’s job to make money and build a career.

Me: “Why aren’t you working?”

Useless Post-Grad: “Oh I haven’t found anything yet.”

Me: “How long have you been searching?”

Useless Post-Grad: “I’m not (because I am a coward who is terrified of failure).”

Me: “Oh . . . OK (loser), how come?”

Useless Post-Grad: “I have a severe case of Post-Graduation Depression.”

Me: “You have post-what?!”

The worst part about lying is when you start believing it yourself. “Post-Graduation Depression”, Ha! I wish these hopeless cases would
stop searching for “smarter” ways to camouflage their actual problem; instead they should say “I am refusing to acknowledge that I am a lazy loser who is a waste of space and an even bigger ungrateful waste of my parents’ support, time, and money. I am also getting tired of searching for a rich man to support me financially (I need to get those new Gucci shoes or life as I know it, will end), so please God, help me win more time to come up with yet another lame excuse for why I am such a useless burden (or better yet, please find me that
rich husband, really fast!).” The saddest part is that when Ms. Useless Post-Grad was still in university, she bragged to everyone about how she will become a big shot when she graduates. Aah . . . she talks the talk but can’t walk the walk, tsk tsk.

Another thing I have realized is girls that drop out of university . . . because they are simply too stupid to learn that “1+1=2”, and also because it gives them more time to go out and meet the Alejandro that is desperate and foolish enough to fall in love with them. Will Ms. Dropout work?

No, of course not! She’ll just ask daddy to pay for her expenses until further notice. Ms. Dropout will spend her days at home, eating till her fat ass explodes, and watching every show on “E!” until her last lonely brain cell dies.

My apologies here, but I respect “working girls” (i.e. prostitutes) more than useless, gold digging, unambitious women, because at least these “working girls” are honest about their intentions “I want/need money and I want it fast.”

Me: “Did you seriously drop out of university?!”

Ms. Dropout: “Oh yes, you know the only reason I was in university is to make friends, meet guys, and so I can say that I am in university.”

Me: That is disgusting, you know that right? Did you even try to study?”

Ms. Dropout: “Well, I wanted to major in psychology because I’d learn how to manipulate guys, but there’s too much memorization.”

Me: “Oh my God – stop! I am actually
feeling stupider just by talking to you!”

Ms. Dropout: “Umm . . . are you trying to say that I’m stupid?” (Sherlock Holmes has solved the mystery!)

The only way that Ms. Dropout will ever decide to go back to university or work, is if her Alejandro points out to her that his family would
never accept or respect a dropout who doesn’t even work.

There is no ideal job or no easy way to start. You just put yourself out there and pray that someone will actually be stupid enough to hire you. Even if you were the smartest girl in your classes, even if you graduated with honors, what’s the point if you don’t put it to good use?

I am not giving anyone a motivational speech here, like “Believe in yourself, you can do it!” – It’s simple, when asked “what do you do in life? Are you studying or working?”, it is not sexy to say “Erm, nothing, hihihi”.

I am just glad that there are girls out there that are more hard-working and ambitious than any man I know. Allow me to personally thank you, because if it weren’t for you, Lebanon would still be a semi-Amish country where a woman’s job is to wash dishes, breast feed her husband, and be a helpless, dependent, insignificant doormat whose opinion is never asked for or valued (but mind you, these women will not wash dishes or cater to their husbands . . . they will simply hire a Filipino).

“I don’t mind making jokes, but I don’t want to look like one.” Marilyn Monroe

By Rita Dahdah