How to Behave in Nightclubs

Reality has it that many people do not know how to behave in nightclubs, especially guys. Problems at nightclubs are almost inevitably caused by men. Armed with this idea, this article is meant to school you on some of the DO’s and DON’T’s of this ever-thrilling pastime.

The Line and the Door

As you approach the club, you may see a line. If you are concerned about how long the wait is, casually ask the bouncer. If there’s a coat-check, the line may simply last as long as the coats can be hung and the admission fee taken.

Wanna get in faster? Arrive with women. Bouncers let the women in first, which I have no problem with – after all you don’t want them to go elsewhere!

The Boyz… ready for anything

But! Bouncers on the whole tend to be jerks and frequently ignore the men. In a place like New York, some bouncers make you wait for 30-60 minutes during freezing cold winter Saturday nights.

To be perfectly honest (as I always am…), NO club is worth more than say, a 15 minute wait, especially if the bouncer is clearly being a d**k. The problem is that the longer you wait, the more you get annoyed and might act ‘foolishly’ thereby decreasing your chances of getting in. Just remember one thing: If you piss the bouncer off, you won’t be getting in anytime soon.

…If you piss the bouncer off, you won’t be getting in anytime soon…

Don’t continually nag the bouncer about how much time you have spent waiting. They don’t care. They get paid to stand there and look dumb and since they are going nowhere fast, so will you be if you harass them. I saw someone working at a club in Ibiza (Ibitha) who said that he didn’t care how much money was thrown his way – if the patron acted like a jerk, they weren’t getting in.

Tipping may not be a city in China, but it will get you into a club more quickly. I’d say a realistic rate is about 10$-$15 per person in your group. I know, I know, it sounds like a lot. Well, you’re right! Anyone can slip the bouncer a few bucks, so it’s up to you to pay more and stand out, if you want to get in faster.

“Every girl’s crazy ’bout a sharp-dressed man” – ZZ Top

On weekends, the more posh clubs have dress codes. Dress accordingly! Never wear running shoes or jeans. You won’t get into a club if you’re not dressed for it so don’t start hassling the bouncer or the management. Each club is after its own distinct clientele so be ready for where you’re heading to party.

The BrianX clothing rule of thumb: It is always better to be overdressed than underdressed because if you’re overdressed, you have a story as to why you look good but if you are underdressed you simply look sociallyinept.

The Dancefloor

Dancing. I love dancing. Most guys can’t dance to save their lives. I can and if it’s one thing that pisses me off, it’s drunken beefcake meatheads who have no idea how to dance and come in packs (like rats!), sometimes taking over the main part of the dancefloor. To all you people, and you know who you are, WATCH IT! There are other people trying to enjoy themselves and they don’t need you and your miserable life to screw it up.

Watch out for these same idiots who come to clubs just to start fights. I’ve seen huge fights with many fists thrown, shattered glasses on the floor, and blood flying everywhere. Be watchful of these morons.

Here’s some more news you need: Constantly bumping into women on the dancefloor is NOT gonna get them interested in you. It will annoy them more than anything else. If you want to get someone’s attention while dancing, LEARN TO DANCE! At least then you can dance to the rhythm they are following. Don’t bump and grind with women who are not interested in doing so.

…Constantly bumping into women on the dancefloor is NOT gonna get them interested in you…

Another approach is to make eye contact, reach out and shake their hand while introducing yourself during a time when not a lot of movement is going on. If you bother women too much, they could complain and possibly get you thrown out.

If you suck at dancing, by all means, continue to dance but tone it down. You don’t need to harass everyone else on the floor just because YOUsuck.

The Bar

Don’t fight your way to the bar, order a drink and stay there. I don’t care how hot the barmaid is or how cool you think you look leaning against the bar. There are other people trying to get wasted and have just as good a time as you. Similarly, take turns buying drinks for everyone so you don’t crowd the bar. Clubbing is for everyone, not just you and your friends.

Barmaids aren’t working for nothing. They get about $6/hour and the rest is made up of tips (up to several hundred $$ on weekends). If they make you a drink, you may want to leave a little more. In general, a dollar per drink is about right.

Tip for water? Yes! If they give you tap water, leave at least 50 cents. This will just about guarantee good service in the future. Speaking of which… if you party at the same clubs, always go to the same barmaids/bartenders. If you are a good tipper and they recognize you, they’ll give you priority service on future visits.

The Bottom Line

Remember that there are other people out to have a good time while partying. Don’t be selfish, think with your OTHER brain cell, and you should be fine.