Mating Season 2014 Is Officially Open

I am the all-seeing owl. An omni-retina that locates and exposes the rock bottom state that the people in our country have reached, the abducted rights, the abused privileges and above all, the forever declining sense of humanity

“Mating Season 2014 Is Officially Open”

The Oxford dictionary defines “mating” as the action of animals coming together to breed; copulation:courtship and mating also occur on land.

Different breeds have different inter-gender approaches. Some need to establish alpha position among the pack in order to gain access through those majestic golden gates. Others are physically consumed in the process, like LITERALLY! ie: The Mantis female chews the male’s head off after the curtain falls on his last act! Hell, he doesn’t even get a standing ovation. And you have a hermaphrodite, what you would call a self sufficient creature; the social equivalent of an anti social, stay in your room, forever self-discovering, individual.

Each breed has its mating season. For us humans, especially Lebanese people, it’s not around the major holidays, it’s not on cosy winter nights, it’s not even on valentine’s day! For us Lebanese people, it’s the summer season!!! and for far too many reasons.

Women start plotting their schemes and trap setting techniques at least 3 months ahead! Intensive gym sessions, “Alcatraz” strict diet, and of course, solarium sessions level “Cosmic Meteor Showers”. After all, it would be absurd to go to the beach for someone to actually get a natural tan when you can get a carrot head, orange shaded cancer shower in a microwave oven!

Men on the other hand, they are working out throughout the year, shooting up steroids and hormones, morphing into brainless testosterone driven apes with sweat that actually smells like one. All for the sole purpose of walking by the swimming pool covering their “Michelin Mascot” looking body in some sort of transmission oil, rocking them “Speedo Cut” swimming shorts, oozing with macho testosterone attitude, spreading their mating calls here and there, in the hope of finding that one raging female in heat that is dying to carry his seed and superior offspring. “Natural Selection” at its finest I tell you!

On the other hand, you have the weddings fever. What used to be known as the bride and groom’s day, is now a parade for envious, jealous, bitter, yet smiling women, in their designer dresses. Refusing to believe that this ugly b**ch landed a husband before they did, they scope the grounds for potential pheromone secreting males on the hunt for a female in heat.

Males however, tend to look all cool and chill on the outside while dying to hook up with one of the bride’s maids, cousins or girlfriends. However, after 12am he would settle for the bride’s aunt if he gets the chance. Just like in any market, it’s a demand/supply ratio. One needs to be aware of what’s available.

I’m not generalizing nor stereotyping here! But the fact that our society is turning into such a hypocritical, two faced, plastic, and mind numb community is utterly repulsive. This “boumeh” is simply calling for being at peace with ourselves, and to stop trying to live up to other people’s expectations while diving into a vicious circle of self-despise. You need to go back to what made you human in the first place; And that is “genuine social behavior”. You need to drop the bloody act, it’s not fooling anyone, well except for yourselves maybe.

My final thoughts for all of you fellow readers are as follows:

Women, you need to try and lower your defenses for a change  and you might, just might be surprised by the quality of men that would approach you for who you truly are! Unless you truly are a b**ch, then good luck with that! (All pun intended)

Men, you need to stop being such insecure conceited assholes with an ego the size of mountains and the IQ of a chick pea. Open up, be friendly, and try to listen for a change. Again, if you genuinely are a certified douchebag, well good luck with the speedos and transmission oil act.

…Forever Seeing