La Wlooo!!!…Lebanese Internet SUCKS

Since 1998, I haven’t enjoyed one day of fast, non-stop internet. It’s always like a suspense movie, “what’s going to happen next?” or “how many minutes do we have left before we run out of megabytes?”

For someone who’s lived in Lebanon their entire life, this is perfectly normal. It’s not strange that we cannot watch a video on Youtube without having to wait for it load first, it’s not strange that one song needs fifteen minutes to download and it’s certainly not strange that we can’t watch an “Entourage” episode online without waiting half a day for it to load.

Personally, I’m pissed off and I think you should be too because if:

The electricity cuts at 6 pm while you’re in the middle of a Skype call or a download. You then have to wait a good five to ten minutes for everything to start running properly again. The minute you’re back on the net, you can bet that whoever you’re chatting to is going to disappear for ten minutes as well (granted that they live In Lebanon).

You pay 200 USD for a 2.3 mb connection. Let’s not forget how you must pay 250 USD (or something like that) for the initial installment of a router that serves no significant purpose. You must then pay 40 USD per month for megabytes that won’t last a week. Do you have any complaints? Click here: www.noonecares.com

You call your service provider, IT geek, or some insignificant loser to fix your internet problem (or at least complain about it) but he doesn’t answer. His personal line is OFF, the customer service line is always busy (because of the 1.5 million complaints), and you end up spending half a day trying to get a hold of this imbecile. Once you do, he promises to pass by within the next 24 to 48 hours – but he doesn’t. Two weeks later, a stinky, sweaty guy drops by to press one button and charge you 200 dollars for it.

You have a peasant thief neighbor that finds a way to steal use your internet connection. Suddenly, your megabytes are finished. How? Because your neighbor has spent every night of the past week downloading porn. You can tell because he’s always smiling in the morning. As soon as you realize what he’s doing, you change your password. Don’t expect him to smile at you anymore though.

You are on vacation and your phone’s 3G internet access is faster than the expensive internet connection you have in your very own Beirut bedroom. For a moment, you feel upset, angry, cheated; you realize that Afghanistan has faster and cheaper internet. Once again, what do you do about it? Nothing. You continue channeling money into the pockets of those crooks that are ripping you off every day.

You pay 40 dollars a month for a Blackberry service that . . . doesn’t work. You call your telecom provider to complain, but it turns out that everyone working in customer care has a two-digit IQ.

You: “My Blackberry connection isn’t working.”
Telecom Person: “Your Blackberry connection isn’t working?”
You: “Yes.”
Telecom Person: “Yes?”

You: “YES! Why isn’t it working?!”
Telecom Person: “Why isn’t it working? Please hold. . . . . . . Oh, it’s working.”
You: “No it’s not.”
Telecom Person: “It’s not what?”
You: “Are you retarded?”
Telecom Person: “Am I retarded?”
At this point you realize that there’s no getting through to these highly trained robots . . . and you shut the line with shattered hopes of ever getting your 40 dollars worth.

Change happens when we demand it. We can’t only demand it, we have to take action. We all tend to forget that there are 4 million of us against the greedy few whose lives revolve around ridding us of our rights every day.

Just Sayin’

Until that time comes, enjoy the Lebanese ontornet.

“To sin by silence when they should protest makes cowards of men.” Abraham Lincoln